Drunk with Pain [Poem]

I stumble and stammer
all night in the rain,
tripping into puddles,
I'm drunk with pain.

Teardrops and raindrops
are now coalesced,
How can I be happy?
I'm no longer blessed.

I ventured far, so far,
and escaped my home-nest.
And after all of that,
I failed my initiation quest.

I sought Sacred Knowledge,
but received a Guru's wrath.
Worst of all is knowing this:
I'm astray on the inward path.

I am filled with deep horror,
as I look at the depth of my vice.
They are innumerable, I know.
To redeem myself I'll pay the price.

Thinking:
"in just a few days
There'll be another tragedy
Will all of my hopes,
ever escape grief's gravity?

Has all of this
made a permanent toll?
For the rest of my days,
will I just be a broken soul?

For my youthful dreams
have all at once evaporated.
My passionate ideals,
are, by reality, humiliated."

I cry:
"How can a romanticist,
like me, live without dreams?
I want to imagine anew.
I don't have it in me, it seems.

Oh God, what is the cause of this?
Can I please just blame fate?
Did I make a grave mistake?
I'll never know. That, I hate!"

My anguish reaches its apex,
as the rain begins to clear.
It's just a twist in this life story,
I sense a new chapter's near.

I know this life is a journey.
I know my adventure will continue.
I know I will keep on Truth seeking,
I know I have to, for me and for you.